


maybe it's just falling

by Anonymous



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:57:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8064652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Vector gets too in-character, and Yuuma is far more aware than he lets on.





	

 

 

There is a story of a snake who shed its flesh instead of unwanted skin. It pushed all its organs out of its body, and baked to death in the midday sun.

In the afterlife, a mouse asked, 'Why did you do that?" The snake replied, "My body was filled with parasitic worms. Rather than go on living like that, I would rather cast it away."

 

 

* * *

 

 Three weeks before Vector meets Tsukumo Yuuma properly, he moves into a cramped little apartment on the east side of Heartland City. Forges six years' worth of medical records and school reports, stocks his cabinets and fridge with junk food and fizzy drinks he doesn't need. Tsukumo Yuuma will never see any of this, but 'Shingetsu Rei' has to really exist, because the best way to convince someone of something is to make it genuine. All these things can just be thrown away once they're done being useful.

So 'Shingetsu Rei' builds his deck of Shining cards, and pores over Heartland City's bus routes and train schedules, and crashes into Tsukumo Yuuma at exactly 7:02 a.m. at the base of the stairs in the middle of the park. The next morning he arrives at Yuuma's house as Yuuma is leaving, and invites him to walk together, and they land in the doorway of Heartland Academy Class 1E twenty minutes late. Ukyo-sensei sighs, tells them to take their seats and also to see him after class.

Later, Yuuma groans when he hears _detention_ , and Vector—Shingetsu—turns to him and mirrors his distressed expression as best he can and says, "I'm sorry, Yuuma. When I found that shortcut, it really was with the best intentions..."

"That's okay, Shingetsu. We're friends! So I forgive you. You'll get it right tomorrow, won't you?"

"Of course, Yuuma-kun! I won't let you down!" Vector nods, the cheery expression comes easily. Tsukumo Yuuma is so stupid and that makes everything far easier than he had thought it would be.

 

* * *

 

 _Yuuma-kun, there's a shortcut through the dog pound._  
_Yuuma-kun, I found a new route, it's in the sewers.  
_ _Yuuma-kun, let's go this way, there's half a km of rosebushes but it's faster than going around._

Yuuma always goes willingly, and it makes Vector uneasy, because no one is that stupid. No one runs through flood drains, gets chased by dogs, goes to detention after school every day for the sake of somebody they just met, and then preempts that person's apologies with a smile and a "That's okay, I forgive you, and I know tomorrow will be better."

No one is that stupid. But Tsukumo Yuuma is, isn't he?

 

* * *

 

Late at night on Yuuma's roof, when the skies are clear and the moon is high.

It's Friday and they don't have school tomorrow, so it's fine for them to stay up as late as they like. Vector stretches out on the tiles and lets his eyes fall closed. After so many late nights and early mornings, this body is tired, and the lack of sleep makes it difficult to think clearly. But with someone like Tsukumo Yuuma he doesn't need to always be on his guard, does he?

"Shingetsu, you like me, don't you?"

Vector forces his eyes open. Yuuma's lying on his side, watching Vector's reaction with wide and serious eyes.

It's true, Yuuma's smile and the pressure of Yuuma's hand in his makes the blood rise to Shingetsu's face, make Shingetsu's heart beat fast. But that's really just because every time Shingetsu is with Yuuma, he's also running, so this body gets used to the adrenaline.

Still—

Vector nods, and Yuuma smiles and reaches over to entwine their fingers together.

"I'm glad, because I like you, too. I like you a lot, Shingetsu."

Yuuma leans over to kiss him softly, a chaste press of lips to lips. It doesn't even feel strange; it's just one intimacy among many. Being Yuuma's friend means knocking shoulders at lunch, hugs and holding hands and soft laughter and playfights in the grass after dark.

Yuuma is easy to love, and Shingetsu Rei falls just as easily.

 

* * *

 

(Behind the glass wall of Shingetsu's eyes Vector thinks: if Shingetsu Rei lets Tsukumo Yuuma into his heart now, then the eventual betrayal will cut so much deeper. So, even if it's uncomfortable, even if it feels like falling from great heights. In the end it is only Shingetsu Rei who breaks, and Vector will soon shed that face and that name like so much trash, and nothing at all will really have changed.

Somehow, that knowledge calms him.)

 

* * *

 

One week to Sargasso.

It rained that evening and the air is still heavy with moisture, but not so much as to make it unpleasant to be outside. Yuuma rolls onto his side, a soft smile playing over his lips. "Hey, Shingetsu..."

Vector returns the smile, the motion familiar now after so many nights; shifts into a more comfortable position against the roof tiles and then pulls Yuuma close to press their lips together. Yuuma licks into his mouth, gentle and insistent, and then with one hand he traps Vector's wrist against the tiles of the roof; the other traces feather-light down Vector's spine through the thin fabric of his shirt and makes Vector shiver.

This is—this is different.

Yuuma's above him, braced on his forearms against the slant of the roof, one knee gently wedging between Vector's legs, the same smile as he pushes his lips against Vector's to swallow every sound Vector makes. Yuuma slides one hand between their bodies to palm Vector's cock through the fabric of his trousers, and Vector's mind goes blank as all the blood in his body rushes southwards. He twists his face away from Yuuma's long enough to draw breath and then gasp out, "Yuuma, you're thirteen, how do you know these things—"

"Oh?" Yuuma smiles against Vector's lips. "I know every way there is to make someone want me," he says, and covers Vector's mouth with his own again to swallow the protest.

"You want this, right, Shingetsu?" Yuuma says softly. He isn't pinning Vector to the roof with anything else other than his own weight but Vector can't move, can't breathe for the press of Yuuma's body against his and how good it feels—

—how good he doesn't want it to feel.

"Yuuma," Vector breathes, interposes a hand between their chests and tries to push Yuuma away.

But Yuuma doesn't move. "Let me," he whispers, "let me, let me make you happy." Soft breaths, warm against Vector's ear. Yuuma drops his hand from Vector's waist to the front of Vector's trousers, deftly undoes the fastenings to get at the hot flesh beneath, and Vector shudders and bucks up into Yuuma's waiting hands.

"Tell me you want this, Shingetsu."

Vector _can_ Bariaphose here. He can fade traitorous flesh into rigid stone and tear Tsukumo Yuuma apart with his bare hands. He can. He just is choosing not to. It's not the right time, not yet. But even with these unexpected developments, satisfactory progress is still being made. Everything is still on track, according to plan.

This is what Vector wants.  
This is not what Vector wants.

Yuuma's voice, more insistent now. "Say it, Shingetsu."

Vector averts his eyes. "That's not my—"

Above him Yuuma's eyes flash, and panic rises unbidden in Vector's chest before he forces it down again. Stay in character. Drag the skin called Shingetsu Rei back overhead; gag on Shingetsu's smile to muffle the screams. Breathe, in and in and in. Suffocate beneath the weight of Shingetsu's love for Tsukumo Yuuma, until the feelings are real.

—It's easy, because the feelings _are_ real.

Vector opens his eyes.

"If we're doing this, call me Rei," he whispers, to cover the misstep. Reaches up to pull Yuuma down and seal their mouths together again, as if it's a good enough distraction from the truth.

It's not. And Vector thinks Yuuma knows, but Yuuma smiles anyway, and whispers the false name once against Vector's lips and continues on. Vector leaves the body to Yuuma's ministrations; beneath the touch of hands and lips and teeth he's thinking of Barian World, how the red of its crystals is so different from the red of human blood, the red in Yuuma's eyes.

When Vector comes back to his senses he's lying with his head in Yuuma's lap, and Yuuma is stroking his hair with overwhelming affection. Vector feels cold, drained. Exhausted enough to fall asleep then and there, but he doesn't dare to.

Vector opens his eyes, and Yuuma smiles. "You're awake," Yuuma says softly, bends to press their lips together, takes Vector's hand and entwines their fingers.

It takes strength Vector doesn't know he has to pull free, and stand, and rearrange his clothes into a semblance of order and walk away.

 

* * *

 

If one chooses to trust, then they also deserve to be betrayed.

_How could you, Shingetsu?_

You're an idiot.

_How could you, Shingetsu?_

No reason.

_How could you, Shingetsu?_

Because I can.

_How could you, Shingetsu?_

I did it before, I'll do it again.

_How could you, Shingetsu?_

That's not my name.

_How could you, Shingetsu?_

...

_I forgive you, Shingetsu. I believe in you._

(An idea is something that lands in hostile ground, takes root, and grows.)

 

* * *

 

_You hurt me, Shingetsu. But it's fine. You can hurt me and betray me and reject me and every time I'll forgive you, and forgive you, and forgive you, until you realize I'm not going anywhere and accept it too._

 

* * *

 

Vector wakes at 10:03pm, covers the distance from his apartment to Yuuma's house in six minutes and tosses a stone from the garden at Yuuma's window. Yuuma unlatches the glass pane, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and Vector's heart sinks; doesn't he know to stay awake and wait for Shingetsu to arrive, by now?

And then Vector remembers that Sargasso is already over, he's already shattered Yuuma's heart with the truth and still managed to lose. It's over. It's over. But this body remembers its comforts, and this night is not very unlike that first time—

"—Shingetsu," Yuuma says softly, and steps out onto the windowsill and scrambles up onto the roof.

Vector, on autopilot, follows suit.

He has a knife tucked inside his boot. He can pull it out, right now, stab Yuuma in the carotid artery and water the roof of his own house with his blood. But Vector won't. That's too kind, too easy a death. There are still other ways to rip Tsukumo Yuuma's heart out with despair.

(Are there?)

Yuuma hums softly and doesn't say anything, like he knows exactly what Vector's thinking;  exposes the column of his throat as he turns his face towards the stars. He doesn't look at Vector, doesn't see what Vector's doing.

Vector grips the knife and doesn't do anything.

"Not today?" Yuuma says. He reaches for Vector, but instead of pulling Vector close as he usually does he lets his hand fall to Vector's side, gently wrests the knife from Vector's slack grip. A trickle of blood runs from his palm where the blade meets flesh. Yuuma lets the knife clatter to the shingles of the roof and then presses his hand to Vector's collar, stains the white ruffles dark with blood.

"You're an idiot," Vector breathes, when Yuuma pulls away.

Yuuma smiles, soft and familiar, and it makes Vector want to throw up. "Why? What's wrong with trusting and believing in people?"

"This," Vector says, and shoves Yuuma off the roof.

Yuuma's athletic. He has good reflexes. He has every chance to catch himself before he falls, but he doesn't. Just like he didn't duck out of the way of that football, or that flying shoe.

He lands on the ground two storeys down with a sickening crack.

For a long moment he doesn't move and Vector thinks he's really dead, shimmies down the tree to check on him. But then Yuuma laughs, picks himself up, prods at his swelling ankle with a grimace.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd do that to me, Shingetsu."

His forearms and knees are grazed, beads of blood welling up from the cuts and scrapes. He checks a nasty gouge on the back of his arm. "That hurts. Might scar, you know. But it's fine. We're okay. I forgive you, Shingetsu. You won't do it again, right?"

He raises his injured hand for Shingetsu's inspection and Shingetsu takes it, brushes first his fingers and then his lips over the bleeding knuckles.

When you wrong someone, it creates guilt.  
When you forgive someone for doing you wrong, it makes them indebted to you.

Yuuma leans in to lick his own blood from Shingetsu's lips, and his kiss is sweet and shot through with sunlight, and Shingetsu stops thinking about anything at all.

 

* * *

 

The Barian Sea burns away the stone of Vector's body, burns away the imprint of Tsukumo Yuuma's touch and leaves Vector wounded, fleshless, clean.

Like this he is better, stronger. Vector remembers the pressure of Yuuma's hands over the place in his chest where his human heart had been. Remembers that that heart is gone, and finds that for the first time in a long time, he can breathe.

 

* * *

 

Later, after Nasch, after everything, when Vector has betrayed and been betrayed and falls over the edge of his precipice with light ahead and darkness behind. Yuuma's eyes are shining with tears, his hands on Vector's a promise. "If you go, Shingetsu, I'll go with you. I promised, Shingetsu, I'll never leave you."

Vector believes him wholly, because the best way to convince someone of something is to be genuine.

_No matter what mistakes you make, no matter how many times you turn away. I'll always forgive you, I'll always stay by your side. I love you,  Shingetsu. There's no escape. I'll die for you and not a day will go by when you don't see me in your dreams, and remember my forgiveness for all your wrongs, and everything I did that you can't repay._

(As a young boy, Prince Vector learned from his tutor that there is very little difference between ruling by fear and ruling by love. In the end, they will die for you all the same.)

Vector closes his eyes and wrenches his hands away.

"SHINGETSU!"

— _That's not my name,_ Vector thinks.

As he expected, it's easy to shed the shell like a snake sheds skin. Vector no longer has any use for Shingetsu Rei and in the end, it is Tsukumo Yuuma who will always be haunted by the memory of a boy who died to let him live.

(It's easy, Yuuma's tears don't hurt at all where they land on Vector's face.)  
(It's easy, it doesn't feel like his heart-gem is being pulled out by the roots as he falls away.)

This—

Is what Vector wanted. Or isn't what he wanted, he can't really tell any more.

But he smiles, nevertheless, because—

_Like this, I can finally be free of you._

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
